Apparently I Can Only Do One Thing At a Time. Maybe Two.

In the woods near my house
Photo Credit: Doree Weller

So, as you might be able to tell by the title, I’ve been having some trouble with multitasking.  I’m getting a lot written on my novel, and I’m almost done, which is super exciting to me.  However, I have not been blogging.  Or doing stuff in, you know, my real life.

I wrote a while ago about how I needed to go on a technology diet, to leave space for creativity in my head when I was being quiet and not occupying it with Candy Crush or checking Facebook.  I was somewhat successful with that.

I’ve found something my muse has liked recently, and that’s taking walks in the pool.  I’m always on the lookout for exercise I enjoy, and since I hate exercise, that doesn’t happen often.  I used to go on hikes with my brother, but since I moved out of Arizona, that doesn’t happen anymore.  😦  I hadn’t found anything to replace those weekly hikes, and I had put on a few pounds.  I tried walking at home, but I hate the humidity, and I hate feeling soaked in sweat.  I joined a gym that had cycling classes and yoga, and while I liked them, I got bored with them after awhile.  Then I broke my finger and couldn’t do yoga anymore, so I quit.

We have a neighborhood pool, and it’s hot here in Texas, so one morning, I decided to go out and walk the pool.  I walked for a half hour, and during that time, I had lots of ideas come to me.  My characters started speaking to me, and I came up with scenes that my book had been missing.  (The only problem is that I have to remember them when I get out of the pool.  Taking a pen and paper in with me doesn’t work that well.  Not that I tried it.)

I love that I’m super productive with my book and getting some exercise.  I just wish I was good at doing more than one thing at a time.

The Horrific, Awful, Rotten Truth About Being Fat

Look! A fat cat!

You know, fat is pretty much the worst thing you can be.  It’s worse than kicking puppies or using the wrong your-you’re-yore.  It’s worse than war and worse than disease.

It’s not?

Oh yeah.  It’s not.

So why do we all get so hung up over being fat?  Either someone is hung up about it because they’re carrying too many pounds, or they’re all judgy because someone else is.  I have a thin friend who occasionally says that she’s “channeling her inner fatty” when she indulges in food cravings.  Once, I said that I was fat in front of a friend’s mother, and she said, “Oh, don’t say that.  That’s the worst word you can say.”

Really?  It’s worse than stupid?  Or boring?  Because I’d rather be called fat than stupid or boring.  But those are my priorities.

Look, I’m fat.  Not using the word doesn’t magically make me shed pounds.  When I was in high school, I was called fat (even though I looked amazing), so I squeezed into the smallest size jeans I could, bruising my internal organs and never being able to inhale.  I thought I looked great.  It wasn’t until years later, hearing the word “muffin top” for the first time, that I realized that perhaps jeans in a size larger would have been better.

I have a double chin.  It’s not contagious.  It’s not a moral failing.

I’d like to lose some weight.  I eat mostly vegetables and exercise.  I almost never sit still.  And I don’t lose weight.

I really hate how fat people are portrayed, and even worse, I hate that some of it’s true.  I recently read a book called The Big, Not-So-Small, Curvy Girls Dating Agency by Ava Catori.  I wanted to like the book, but the character spent most of the book drooling over a hot guy and feeling insecure because “guys like him don’t date girls like me.”  I know that for a lot of overweight women, that’s how it works; that’s how they feel.  And how sad is that?  That she’s simultaneously drooling over his looks and hoping he’s not so superficial that he won’t be put off by hers?

In Fried Green Tomatoes by Fannie Flagg (amazing book, by the way), the main character eats all the candy and junk food she can gets her hands on, complains about being “fat,” and at one point reveals she’s a size 16.  If I ate junk food the way she does, I’d probably be twice my weight.  Listen: not everyone who’s fat is fat because they eat junk food.  And not everyone who’s thin gets there by way of diet and exercise.

And who cares, anyway?

If you’re fat because you eat junk food and never exercise, who am I to judge you?  Why is that even part of any discussion?  Now, if you eat junk food because you feel lonely or depressed, that’s a different story.  That’s sad and I’d love for you to work on that so you don’t have to feel that way, BUT, it’s not judgement-worthy.  We all have choices.

I’ve mostly stopped being self-conscious about my weight.  Yeah, I have bad days, and sometimes I see pictures of myself taken at a bad angle, and hate the way I look.  But most of the time, I like the way I look.  It’s nice to be able to say that and mean it.

We get all hung up on the word “fat,” and honestly, I don’t mind it.  It’s accurate.  You can say “overweight,” and it still means the same thing.  Euphemisms don’t make the word mean something else.  It just means you’re trying to be politically correct and obscure what you really mean.

News flash: I know overweight means fat.  It’s okay.

Personally, I hate the word “obese.”  That one gets thrown around a lot because of BMI, and it makes me think of people who are so large they can’t get out of their homes.  But that’s not what obese means.  I’m obese, of course, but I have friends who look like they’re at “normal” weights who are technically “obese.”  *sigh*

We’re all different.  Shapes, sizes, colors.  It’s what makes the world go round.  Whether you’re fat or thin, tall or short, black or white or brown (or some shade in between), just be the best you that you can be.  Own it.

I sent this to a friend of mine:

And their response was: “So you’re beautiful.”

Best compliment ever.

Tune in for tomorrow’s tips about dealing with being fat.  And no, I’m not writing about exercise.

When Getting Things Done Feels Like A Vacation

Superstition Mountains, Arizona
Photo Credit: Doree Weller

I moved over two months ago, and I haven’t gotten nearly as much done as I wanted to.  I’d hoped to be further along in unpacking and writing than I am.  I had set a goal to get my novel out to as many agents as possible, until I realized that my novel still needed some heavy editing.  *sigh*  I’ve just been “too” to get anything done.  Too tired.  Too busy.  Too unmotivated.  Too everything.

I expected last week, the first week of NaNoWriMo, to be more of the same.  I was determined to keep going through the entire month, even if I didn’t meet the goal of 50,000 words, just not to give up.  I was also determined to get some things done around the house.

I was pleasantly surprised to feel motivated and to get more done than I expected to.  The unpacking went well, and so did working on my novel.  I’m forcing myself to work on it even when I don’t want to, and it will definitely need rewriting, but at least I’m getting the skeleton on paper, which is the point of NaNoWriMo.  I also managed to do some editing on my completed novel.  My writer’s group gave me positive feedback, and I feel really good about the edits.  I’m changing some minor things in the novel to make it better.  Finally, I feel like I’m on the right track.

Getting things done feels good, and for the first time in two months, I actually feel like I’m off work.  I haven’t worked a job for pay since the beginning of August, but I’ve been so busy and stressed that I haven’t felt like I had any “time off.”  Now, it’s finally starting to feel that way.

As an added bonus, I’ve decided to try doing yoga again.  I did my first session last night, and it was wonderful!  At first I had trouble keeping up (for those of you who don’t use yoga, it moves faster than you’d think), but once I got into the groove, I feel like I did pretty well.  I got a very good workout and I stretched out all those achy muscles.  Of course, I have new aches today, but that’s the good workout kind of ache.

Maybe I didn’t get started as quickly as I wanted, but I’m finally doing all the things I wanted to do during my time “off.”  The clock is ticking until it will be time to go back to work, so I’m making the most use of this time that I can!

Lies The Fitness Industry Tells Us

Cedar Park, TX
Photo Credit: Doree Weller

Now, I’m not a nutritionist or an exercise-ologist.  I’m not thin, and I have high cholesterol.  (My doctor tested me; apparently I will always have high cholesterol, unless I eat carrot sticks and celery only for the rest of my days- true story.)  So you can take or leave what I have to say.  But several things occurred to me the other day, and I thought I’d share them.

I was out walking in the woods near my house, sweating like a pig and out of breath.  My legs were tired, and I didn’t want to walk one more step.  And I was having a great time.  In fact, I was figuring out where I could explore next, and assessing the concrete (yes, there’s a concrete path in the woods) for rollerblading potential.  As I walked, I realized two things.  1.  This is exercise.  2.  I’m having a good time.

I’m very pro-body acceptance.  At my thinnest, I’ve never been thin.  And I have skinny friends who can’t gain weight.  Our sizes say nothing about our character, and I’m tried of having weight be made to sound like something important.  So here are some of the lies that the fitness industry tells us.  In no way is this a comprehensive list.

1.  No pain, no gain.  Bear with me for a second.  Yes, exercise needs to be a little strenuous in order to work.  Yes, done well, you might have some sore muscles.  But for me, this always meant that if I wasn’t torturing myself, I wasn’t exercising.  I hate: running and weightlifting, going to the gym (inside!  ick!) and doing pushups.  If it’s exercise, I can almost guarantee I hate it.  But if it’s fun, I don’t mind moving my body.  For me, walking through the woods is fun!  Skating is fun!  Yoga is fun!  Kickboxing is fun!  Running is horrible torture, invented by skinny people for sadistic reality TV to watch me jiggle.  Which brings me to my second point.

2.  You have to work hard to call it exercise.  I kind of stopped skating for awhile because I read on some website that you only burn a lot of calories skating if you’re going full out.  If you’re just kind of cruising along, you’re not exercising.  While I love skating, I need exercise.  I want to take off a few pounds.  So I put my skates away and did nothing.  Effective, right?  Here’s the fundamental flaw with that whole “you’re not exercising” thing.  For anyone who isn’t good at skating, they’ll tell you that it’s hard to stay up, coordinate your feet.  They’ll tell you how much it hurts their leg muscles.  I never understood that, but now I do.  Even cruising along, you’re activating your core muscles.  And I’d rather skate than do sit-ups.  Something is always better than nothing.

3.  A cheeseburger is “better” for you than a salad because that salad has too much fat/ salt/ calories.  You know what I’m talking about, those websites that call out different restaurant foods.  They talk about how unhealthy certain salads can be for you, and that you shouldn’t eat that high calorie/ high fat/ high sodium dressing.  Yes, and we should all be eating organic foods and cook everything from scratch in a blissful, chemical additive free lifestyle.

See, I fell for that too.  I thought, “well then I might as well eat the cheeseburger.” (Back when I ate meat.)  And somehow, in my mind, that worked.  I tried to force myself to eat tasteless, low-fat dressing.  But then I didn’t want to eat salad and made excuses why I should eat something else.  Here’s the thing.  The salad is healthier.  It’s got fiber and vitamins and all that good stuff.  If I use unhealthy dressing, I can just use less because it tastes better.  None of us are perfect, and life is all about harm reduction.  Just do the best you can with eating.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  In a choice between the salad and the cheeseburger, I still think the salad is better for you.  Even if the veggies are drenched in bad for you stuff.  Where’s the redeeming part of the cheeseburger?  The tasteless tomato slice they put on top that almost everyone takes off anyway because its’ mushy?

4.  Certain exercises are better than others.  Yeah, this is true.  But you know what the best exercise is?  The one you’ll do consistently.  That’s the best one.  You can work up to something better later.  But if you’re doing nothing right now, a 5 minute walk is better than thinking about running 30 minutes and putting it off.  5 minutes every day is better than a half an hour once in a awhile.  I live in the real world.

5.  Exercise is something you have to do; no one enjoys it.  We’re talking about average people here, not people who have body smarts.  (I’m talking about the kind of intelligence where people are actually good at moving their body.)  Actually, if you don’t like exercise, you probably just haven’t tried the right one yet.  My husband loves bike riding, and I hate it.  I love to skate, and he thinks the only thing he should ride on 4 wheels is a car.  We both enjoy walking/ hiking.  He likes going to a gym; I think that going inside a building to exercise is crazy.  The only exception to that is DDR, which is the most fun I’ll ever have while sweating.  The point is that if you need to get more exercise, try a few things.  Don’t get stuck in the gym rut or think it has to be one particular type.  Google “exercise for people who hate exercise” or something like that and see what you come up with.  Remember, if you do something weird to get moving, the exercise police aren’t going to come get you.

6.  Weight is a good indicator of health.  Nope.  Disagree.  It’s a lie.  Here’s why I say that.  First off, I’ve been trying to lose weight forever.  I’m a whole foods vegetarian.  Which means that I eat my daily dose of veggies and grains and all that stuff.  And I’m still fat.  Why?  My doctor put it best:  “You come from German farming people.  Being able to keep weight on and be strong was an asset.”  Yep.  I just don’t lose weight like some people.  I could starve myself and exercise excessively, but why?  I have more stamina than my thinner friends (as evidenced by the fact that I can keep going longer when we go places).  I can walk for miles and my body does all the activity I want it to do.  I feel pretty good, sleep pretty well, and am happy overall.  So how am I not healthy?

Like I said, I’m just a person trying to get healthier myself.  I’m also a therapist, and something I’ve noticed is that mental health and physical health are tied together.  If you feel good mentally, it’s easier to get moving.  And if you feel good physically, it’s easier to feel good mentally.  So do yourself a favor; if you’ve been putting off positive change because it’s overwhelming, start teeny tiny.  Babies learn to roll over before they crawl, and they pull themselves up before they walk.  Apply that to your own stuff and remember that even if it seems really, really, really slow, a little progress is better than none.

Oh, and don’t forget that you should probably ask your doctor before starting any kind of exercise program.  Because, you know, I’m not a doctor.

Overloaded

Photo credit: RJS Photography

It’s so much easier to get overloaded than to move stuff off my plate.  I don’t have that many commitments outside my home, so I’m never quite sure how I get so overloaded.  I’m sure that poor time management skills and having a lot of things I want to do are part of the problem.  I don’t watch much TV (though I’m currently watching Breaking Bad… more on that later), and I’ve been trying to read less.

I realize that saying I’m trying to read less is probably a little strange to most people, but I have a serious book addiction.  I really cannot put books down once I start them, even if I’ve read them before.  Its not unusual for me to read a book in two days, but during that time, I’ve accomplished virtually nothing else.  So I have to just read less because I do have other things I want to do.

Right now I’m in one of my overloaded states, but it’s just been a busy few weeks.  I already work a 4/ 40 hour week with an hour commute each way.  I’ve recently had some things I’ve had to do to help family, extra trainings for work, and all the normal stuff to keep a household running.  Plus, since I’m a whole foods vegetarian, I pretty much have to cook.  Add that up to one overloaded person.

On top of all that, I gained a bunch of weight back that I had previously lost.  While I’m trying not to judge myself for that, it’s just not easy.  With the weather getting marginally cooler here, I’m trying to recommit to walking daily.  Just a half hour a day, and if I can’t do that, 20 minutes, and if I can’t do that, 10 minutes.  I’m reminding myself that the goal is improvement, not all or nothing.  All or nothing is what overloads me in the first place.

To all of you out there who are in the same boat as I am, be kind to yourself today.  And if you’re not going to judge me for being too busy and making poor food choices, don’t judge yourself either.

Hiking Makes Me Feel Old

San Tan Mountains, Photo Credit: Doree Weller

I love to hike, and my friend and I have been hiking pretty consistently for the past 4 years. When we started, we only did 2 miles. These days, we do 5 miles in the summer and 7 miles when temperatures drop into the 80s or 90s. I love hiking as it makes me feel powerful, strong, and connected with what little nature we have out here.

Getting in my car after a hike is difficult, and getting out of my car is even more difficult. I swear I can hear my bones creak!  The morning after a hike, I’m usually more sore than I like to admit, and I can feel every muscle I’ve used.  But I do it again, week after week.  Why?  I just plain love it.

I love walking through the desert.  We’ve seen coyotes, rabbits, lots of lizards, birds, scorpions, weird prehistoric bugs.  I even saw a snake once.  We also found a skull of some type of animal, which was pretty cool.

The desert is a harsh place to live, and sometimes I regret moving here.  I miss the green that was everywhere in Pennsylvania.  In the grass we never bothered to water, the trees everywhere, flowers that didn’t really need special care.  We had to water the tomatoes, but if we missed a day, it was no great tragedy.

There are pockets of beauty here, and I’m constantly reminded of them when I hike.  I know when the growing seasons in the desert are, and I know that many things make their homes here, despite how hard life must be.

So even though my bones ache, that’s why I hike.  It’s not bad exercise either!

10 Ways to Practice Self-Care

Hey, look! A giraffe! Giraffes make me happy. 🙂

As some of you know, my daytime alter-ego is a crisis specialist and therapist, which is a fancy way of saying I help people when they’re having a rough time.

If I had to pick one topic that comes up again and again, it’s self-care. None of us have enough time or money to do everything that we need and want to do. We’re always running from the job to soccer practice or the vet appointment or the grocery store, etc. I remember spending hours on the phone as a teen while laying on my bed, but these days, if I’m on the phone, I’m usually doing dishes or picking tomatoes at the same time.

Self-care doesn’t make it to the priority list for most of us, and I’m just as guilty of that from time to time as the rest of us.

Self-care literally means taking care of yourself. Part of it is eating nutritious food and limiting junk food to treats. It’s about drinking enough water and getting enough rest. It’s about keeping positive people in your life, and eliminating the drain of consistently negative people.

While it would be nice to take a two week vacation in the tropics and get daily massages, most of us probably can’t afford it. There are simple ways that you can take care of yourself at home, and get good results. The key is to attempt to be consistent in anything you start. If you can do it for 6 weeks, you can make the good stuff a habit as easily as the bad stuff. Pick one or two to try, and don’t try to do everything at once.

1.  Take time to come up with three positive thoughts about yourself, three positive things that happened that day, or three things you’re grateful for every day. If we put our attention on the negative, then that’s what we see. If we re-focus on the positive, then our outlook changes. Some people like putting these things on the mirror or the fridge. Some people like to journal them, and some people like to take time to call a friend and discuss their three things. You could start a Facebook game of “three positive things.” It’s all about what works for you.

2.  Take 5 minutes a day to breathe deeply. Believe it or not, it works, if you do it right. I know you think you know how to breathe, but take a look at this.

3.  Find something you like to do, and find some time to do that every week. Gardening? Reading? Listening to music in the dark? You have 15 minutes somewhere.

4.  Reward yourself with something other than food. Did something you’re proud of? Made it through the week without killing someone? Instead of grabbing the ice cream and watching reruns, buy a new nail polish color, take a look at Groupon for a cool new class on something that interests you (I found a glassblowing class not long ago that way), or just sit at Starbucks and people watch.

5.  Write an email (or letter) to an old friend. I know you liked their status on Facebook last week, but drop them a line and catch up, one on one. Ask them about what’s going on in their lives.

6.  Take a walk. Or play Wii sports. Or go out and pick tomatoes. Get up and get moving, even if just for a few minutes a day. I promise. It makes the happy chemicals in your brain come out to play.

7.  Do something creative. Draw, color, paint, write, journal, take pictures, play with Play-Doh or Sculpey. Doing creative things helps manage emotions and give you an outlet that you don’t need words for.  Plus, it’s fun.

8.  Listen to music. I know I have different soundtracks depending on what I’m doing. I like Garbage, Nirvana, or the Beatles when I’m doing housework, Enya or Mogwai when I’m writing, and I have a special playlist for when I’m feeling gloomy.

9.  Take a detour. Or wear a different color than you usually do. Or try something different for breakfast. If you’re stuck in a rut, try doing something different to shake yourself out of it.

10.  Prioritize! Not everything needs to be #1. The dust bunnies will wait until you get to them and sometimes “no” is the perfect response to a question.

What do you do to take care of yourself?

Vegetarianism, Rules, and Me

Two years ago, I decided to do a lifestyle change. I was having a lot of problems with my stomach, and I was opposed to medication that would mask, but not fix my problem. My doctor told me to read The Spectrum, by Dean Ornish, and I learned that I have a lot of unhealthy attitudes toward food.

I’ve been overweight as long as I can remember. I have a picture of me on my 7th birthday, standing beside my slim and neat best friend. I’m pudgy and pigtailed. I knew what the word “diet” was before I knew what calories were, and I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life.
There’s probably a mix of genetic and lifestyle reasons for my weight struggles. As much as I struggled with my weight as a teenager, on a perpetual “diet,” I look back at pictures and realize I was gorgeous. As much as I’m “obese” now, I realize that how I look isn’t as bad as I sometimes think. I have good days and bad days with that.

I ate the way I was taught, and thought it was the way you were “supposed to.” I never really liked meat, not as an every day thing. But I ate it, along with my potato or rice and my vegetable, because that’s how you’re “supposed to” eat. I was so programmed, and never thought to explore different ways. I was never into fad diets, but if I worked at dieting, I was always hungry. I never “went vegetarian” because I didn’t think I could stick to it forever and ever, never eating meat again.

After I read The Spectrum, I realized the rules I thought I knew were all just BS, and they weren’t right for me. I never liked meat, but I ate it because I wasn’t “a vegetarian.”

These days, I primarily try to avoid processed foods. I eat fish once or twice a month. I’ve eaten other types of meat 3 times in the past year. Twice, I had literally two bites of something to try it. I ate a steak on my birthday. The vegetarian police didnt come to get me. I haven’t lost any weight, but my stomach problems went away, and I have more energy.

I may have to resign myself to the fact that unless I want to be hungry all the time or spend a half hour a day in the gym, I’m going to be way overweight. I have more energy than most of my average weight friends and I never stop moving. I eat healthier than anyone else I know. I’ve (mostly) stopped using weight as a yardstick of health. It’s hard sometimes. I want to have flat abs and thighs that don’t jiggle, but I don’t think it’s ever going to happen. And I’m trying to be okay with that.

E is for Exercise

Now, I don’t normally talk about such dirty words on my blog, but everyone is throwing the “e” word around these days, so I thought I should address it too.

I hate “exercise.”  I’m not coordinated or physical.  Those people who go to the gym and grin as they “push themselves” are quite frankly, insane in my opinion.

I like to eat healthy, and I like to be active.  I walk about 25 miles a week, and hike 5-7 miles at a time once a week.  I play in my garden and play with my dogs.  Why can’t the road to thinness be paved with this kind of stuff?!?

Honestly, I used to stress a lot more about it, until I started going to a naturopath.  When I explained how frustrated I was, he pointed out that I’m German, and my people were probably farm people.  They survived by being sturdy and strong (which I am).  Healthy meant being able to store fat to last through winter and famine (oh boy can I store fat).

Pop culture tells me I need to be much thinner.  Anti-pop-culture tells me I’m beautiful the way I am.  I certainly don’t want to be responsible for young women’s body image issues!  Yeah, I want to lose weight, but mostly I want to be healthy.  I recently looked in the mirror, and thought I looked pregnant (I’m not).  So… I’ve decided there’s no playtime activity to fix that.  Alas, I’ve got to do (said in a hushed whisper) sit-ups!  What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, right?!?

Friday Writing Prompt- I’m Getting Around To That!

How many of us have said, “I’ll get to that tomorrow.  Or Monday.  Or when X happens.”?  I suspect every one of us has done this, with the best of intentions.  The thing is that tomorrow or Monday or X comes and goes and we don’t get around to it.

Last week, I wrote a post about goal setting, and I know I’m not the only one who deals with this.  I recently read a great article on why, when we mess up on our diet goals, we shouldn’t wait until Monday to get back on the wagon.

With that being said, it put me in mind of a perfect writing prompt.  Write about a time that you (or your character) put off something important.  It doesn’t have to be earth shattering, just something important to you (or the character).  Diet, exercise, writing, a new hobby, getting a dog, volunteering.

On a related topic, why do you suppose most of us put things off that are important to us?  In part, I blame our busy schedules and the Internet.  But it has to go deeper than that.  Theories, anyone?