The Price of Honesty

Once upon a time, when I was younger, and knew everything, I thought that it was okay to let people know I didn’t like them.  I thought that being misanthropic toward people meant I was being honest.  I’m an introvert, so my default setting is to not like anyone, especially when I first meet them.  Therefore, if someone irritated me more than the normal why-do-I-have-to-interact-with-other-humans reaction, I would make sure they knew that I didn’t like them, using snide remarks, sarcasm, and occasionally out and out ignoring.

Yes, as an “adult,” I often acted like a 5 year old.

In my defense, I have made friends with some strange characters who didn’t have boundaries, and in the cases, the only way I found to discourage them from following me around was to be rude.

But still, that’s no reason to treat other people badly.

I had been sort of coming to that realization for awhile.  I realized that the people who I admired most were kind to everyone, and didn’t treat others badly, even when they deserved it.

Then, I started work at a new place, and most everyone ignored me.  They weren’t mean; just indifferent.  I didn’t feel welcome, except for two people who went out of their way to be helpful and kind.  I realized that the “honesty” I thought I was selling was really snake oil.

How you treat people says more about you than it does about them.  What do I want my behavior to say about me?  Do I want it to say that I’m judgmental, unkind, and disinterested?  Or do I want it to say that I’m accepting, kind, and helpful?

I still prefer to be left alone, and it can be hard to get interested in new people, but I try to make an effort, at least to smile and have a conversation, because that’s how I would want someone to treat me.

What do you want your behavior to tell others about you?

O is for Openness

Punta Sur, Cozumel Mexico
Photo Credit: Doree Weller

I try to be open to new experiences and ideas.  There was a time when I was such a know-it-all that I thought I was open minded, but I really wasn’t.  I would listen to the other person and then tell them why they were wrong.  Or, I would automatically discount something because I thought I wouldn’t like it.

As time went on, I realized that the people I admired were the ones who listened, and who would change their minds if something convinced them.  I admired the people who considered every point of view.  And I admired the people who were willing to try anything.

So, I decided to be more like them.  It’s not always easy.  There are times I find myself relapsing into my know-it-all ways.  I just try to catch myself at it, and move on.  Over time, I’ve realized that I don’t have to be right, and I certainly don’t have to have all the answers.

I feel like I keep being presented with life lessons, and I try to be open enough to learn them.  For instance, because I’m a writer, I tend to make up stories about strangers.  The problem is that there’s sometimes a fine line between “creative story exercise” and “being judgmental.”  The reason I say this is that there are times when I find myself jumping to conclusions about someone based on how they look, and then they end up proving me wrong.

I used to feel ashamed of myself for these times when I found myself being judgmental, but now I’m just glad that I’m open enough to be continually learning lessons.

Everyone has something to teach me.  It’s up to me to be open to it.