10 Lessons on Friendship From Dogs

From left to right: Ripley, my parents’ dog Harry, and Midnyte

It’s a gorgeous Texas day, warm and sunny.  (I’m ignoring the humidity on purpose, hoping that if I pretend it doesn’t exist, I’ll stop sweating.)  The breeze is great though, very refreshing.  It’s a pleasant change form the hot winds in Arizona!

I decided to come outside and write, partly because it’s one of my favorite things to do, and partly so I could play with the dogs.  We play for a few minutes, until my old dog is ready to pass out from panting so hard.  She’d play until she drops, but I’d rather give her breaks and play again.  It works out for both of us; I get up from my laptop, stretch, and take frequent breaks.  She gets to play and hang out for a few hours.

I was brainstorming blogs and this topic came to mind because my dogs really are my best friends.  Even my husband, who was not a dog person when I met him, has come over to the dog side.  Why do we love dogs so much, and why are they such great friends?  I think I have a few of the answers…

1.  Be happy to see one another, no matter how much time has passed, and show it!  People appreciate when you’re happy to see them.  It makes them feel like they’re the only one that matters.  When I get home and my dogs greet me, it automatically lifts my spirits.  I look forward to going home because I know that I’m going to get a dose of joy.

2.  Live in the moment.  It doesn’t matter if your best friend said something mean to you 5 minutes ago.  Let it go.  Friends don’t keep score, and if you can forgive easily, you will feel lighter.  It’s more fun to be happy and pay attention to what’s going on right now.  Now is the best place to be.

3.  Give little treats.  It could be a tiny morsel (like a compliment) or a huge bone (like a gift).  Those treats say “I’m thinking of you.”  Treats show others that we care.  No, they’re not necessary, but who doesn’t like getting treats?

4.  Play together.  Dogs make us laugh when we throw balls for them or watch them splash in the water.  They’re not afraid to be silly.  Be silly with your friends and laugh together.

5.  Don’t focus on the superficial.  My dogs don’t care how much I weigh, how I’m dressed*, how clean the house is, what job I work, etc.  What they care about is who I am to them.  I can be myself and will never judge me.

*The one exception to this is that Ripley gets really excited when I put on yoga pants, as that’s usually what I wear to hike.  She cries and jumps up on me.

6.  Just be there.  When I’m having a bad day and talk about it, my dogs will never interrupt me, never jump in to offer solutions, will never tell me what I should have done.  They just listen without judgement, and give me a lick on the cheek or the hand as if to say, “I’m here for you, and I love you.”  There’s nothing more comfortable than reaching down and feeling a furry body at my side.

“Hi, I’m here!”

7.  Whatever you want, chase with abandon.  Whether it’s a ball or a pesky squirrel, go after it.  It doesn’t matter if you catch it; the fun is in the chase.  Good friends will cheer one another on through that chase and never say, “You can’t do it.”  In fact, they’re probably running by your side with you!

8.  It’s never too late to build a lifelong friendship.  No matter how old they are, if a dog loves you, they love you.  Even if they’ve been abandoned many times before you found them, they will love you if you let them.  They don’t care if you’re old or young; as long as you’re willing to share your space with them, they will be glad to be with you.

9.  When you’re together, give the relationship your attention.  I get frustrated with people when they check their phones or watch the restaurant TVs when we’re together.  My dogs do their own thing when I’m busy.  They go off and think doggy thoughts, watch squirrels or birds, chew up toys, squeak toys, play fetch alone, or bark at other dogs.  But when we’re playing together, they are completely focused on me, and I try to stay focused on them.  Time together is more fun when we’re both engaged.

“Why aren’t you paying attention to me?”

10.  When someone you love hurts, don’t take “no” for an answer.  Many times, when I’ve had a bad day, Ripley (65 pounds) jumps in my lap and starts kissing me, whether I want her to or not.  She pokes at me with her wet nose and demands to be petted.  Midnyte lays at my feet or puts her head in my lap.  Even if I think I want to be left alone, they won’t.  And I can’t resist them.  Maybe whatever happened didn’t get better, but I feel a little better, and that’s what’s important.

Is your dog your best friend?  What have you learned from your dog?

Open Letter to My Pets

Dear Furbabies,

I just read an article on Facebook that really hurt me.  It was about a dog who had been shot for no reason, by a stranger.  His parents took him to the vet, went outside to discuss the cost of surgery, and never returned.  I presume they couldn’t or didn’t want to afford the cost of surgery, but I just can’t imagine leaving any one of you to wonder if I were going to return.  I’d never do that.  When I bring you home, it’s forever, for better or worse, and I mean it 100%.

I know that I’m your whole world.  I know that because I see the way you look at me, the way you greet me at the door when I come home.  The way you snuggle against me, or nudge my hand when I’m not paying close enough attention to you.  I know that I’m your only source of food and water, but what you want from me more than those basics is my love and attention.  Sometimes I get busy or stressed and don’t think about it the way I should.  I’m sorry for that.  It doesn’t mean that I love you less; it just means that I’m human: selfish and flawed.

Even if I don’t always give you enough attention or playtime, I promise you that I love you and will never leave you behind.  I’d rather live with you in a cardboard box than alone in a mansion.  I’ll be with you until the end.  I’ll make the hard decisions when I have to, because that’s what I took on when I brought you home.  Whenever that time comes, I take comfort in knowing that you, and all the ones who’ve gone before, will be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge.

It doesn’t matter what happens: there will always be room for you in my life.  That’s a promise.

L is for Loss

Desert Botanical Gardens, Phoenix AZ; Photo Credit: Doree Weller

Loss is part of life, one of the most difficult parts.  As humans, we resist change, yet grow bored when things stay too long the same.  I didn’t fully appreciate the lush green of Pennsylvania until I moved away.  It was only then that I realized the  green was bright and full of life, and everywhere.  When I first moved to Arizona, the brown and heat seemed so clean and so lovely in a stark, simple way.  I told this to a friend who’s lived here all his life, and he shrugged and said, “I don’t see it that way.  I just want to get away.” Loss reminds us of what we have, strangely enough.  In the days, weeks, and months after my grandfather died, I kept wishing I had called him more often.  Neither of us were particularly chatty, so it probably would have puzzled him if I had called for no reason… but I still wish I had. During the brief time I worked in Hospice, I met a lot of people, and no one ever regretted the things they did so much as they regretted what they didn’t do.  We all get busy with life and assume there’s going to be more time.  More time to do, to love, to laugh, to cry, to see, to know. The fact is: there’s only today.  So enjoy it.  Wring every drop you can from it.  And if tomorrow comes, do it all over again.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” -Norman Cousins

Never Enough

Do you ever think you’re never enough?  Not pretty enough?  Not fashionable enough?  Not skinny enough, gourmet enough, housekeeper enough, mom enough, smart enough, energetic enough?  This list could probably go on and on.  In a culture where being the best and most beautiful is the goal, most of us will never meet it.

My dogs are mutts.  Yeah, I say one is a German Shepherd and the other a Lab, but they’re both mutts.  If I took them to an AKC event, no one would look twice at them.  Ripley has a “defective” ear that won’t stand up straight.  Midnyte has a cracked and dry nose.  Neither of them are going to win beauty contests, but I think they’re the best dogs in the world.  They greet me when I come home and sit at my feet when I read.  They love me unconditionally, and I love them back the same way… even when Ripley wakes me up at 4 a.m., vomiting pieces of frisbee she thought looked tasty. (true story)

I often call my backyard my “sanctuary.”  I love it back there.  Wind rustles softly through my Mesquite tree and my Palo Verde.  My wind chime sounds softly, and it all goes together with the birds chirping in my tree and my neighbor’s Mesquite, while I inhale the soft smell of desert mixed with the sweetness of things blooming.  It’s never going to win any contests with Better Homes and Gardens, but I love it.  Even when a dust storm blows through, leaving debris all over my yard.

My point is… even though these things probably aren’t the “best” in an objective way, they’re what I love.  I love them for their flaws and despite their flaws.  I love Ripley’s “defective” ear.  It’s part of her quirky personality.  I love Midnyte’s cracked nose.  It reminds me that she’s getting older, and that she’s been a loyal friend for many years now.  I love my crooked tree and the leaves piled in my yard.  Because it’s home, and there’s no fragile illusion of perfection.

I’m me.  Overweight, unable to do anything productive with my hair, chip in my front tooth.  I’m also witty, sarcastic, and fiercely loyal to those I love.  I could write an entire blog about what I’m not.  But why would I?  Why should I?  I don’t have to be the best at something to enjoy it, and to bring enjoyment to others.  I try to spread positivity.  I’m still judgmental and rude sometimes, but I keep trying.  Because life is a journey, not a destination.  Cliche, but true.

I wrote this post because it’s been something I’ve been talking about in my group lately.  And because someone posted this video on Facebook.  It’s a powerful slideshow of pictures of beautiful women.  The women in the video are ordinary, but the photographer captured the essence of who they are, in that one moment where their sense of humor, compassion, joy, or love shone through and was captured.  I have pictures of me where I’m beautiful for that moment because who I was shone through for a moment.  Beauty isn’t one moment in front of a mirror, or one day that your makeup and hair was perfect. It’s confidence.  Love.  Joy.  Compassion.  Loyalty.  Being a mom (or a dad).  Staying positive.  Grieving someone who’s gone.

Here’s to 2014.  Embrace possibility.  Be beautiful.  Go forth and awesome!

My Name is Memory- A Review

I read My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares on a recommendation from someone else, and I didn’t realize until I was done that it’s written by the author of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.  (Which I’ve never read)

I loved this book.  It’s nice how many different awesome books I’ve been reading lately.  It’s the story of Daniel, who has memory of all his past lives, and he’s loved Sophia/ Lucy but been star-crossed in every one.  When he finds her in this life and tells her what they are to one another, he scares her off, and he believes that he’s lost her again.  Many of the chapters are from their past lives and how their love has developed over hundreds of years.

The only problem with this book was the ending.  It’s not that I didn’t like the ending, but that things weren’t quite resolved.  I saw a rumor on Amazon that this was supposed to be part of a trilogy, but I see no evidence of this on the author’s website, and this was written in 2010, so I think that’s probably false.

Either way, despite the not-quite-satisfying ending, I loved the book and would cautiously recommend it.

30 Days of Gratitude Project- Day 2

1. I’m grateful that I have a functioning coffee maker. (Don’t laugh… it’s really important.)

2. I’m grateful I have wonderful dogs who are always happy to see me.

3. I’m grateful I have such supportive friends who I know I can count on no matter what.

30 Days of Gratitude- Day 1

Day 1 of the 30 Days of Gratitude Project. 1. I’m grateful that I had such a wonderful Halloween/ Anniversary yesterday. Nearly perfect days like that don’t come along all that often. 2. I’m grateful for my strong body that allows me to do everything I need/ want to do. 3. I’m grateful I have a job and partner I love, so that going to work isn’t something I dread!

Q is for Quotes

I love quotes, and have printed quotes hanging all over my office.  I collect quotes in documents, put them on my Facebook page, and occasionally will bring them out in conversation.  Quotes feel to me like mini-poetry, thought provoking and beautiful.

“Words — so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” -John Barrymore

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” -Stephen King

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” ~Leo Buscaglia

“Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.” -Winston Churchill

“There’s something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk.” -Drew Barrymore

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” -Hippocrates

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.” -Bill Cosby

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.” -Francis Bacon

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration.  The rest of us just get up and go to work.”  I’ve seen this credited to Stephen King and to Chuck Close.  I’m not sure who said it, but I love it.

If you have any favorites, I’d love to hear them.  A great place to find quotes for any occasion is Brainy Quotes.  Everyday can be a great day.  Just start with a positive attitude and move on from there.

O is for Openness

I try to be open.  Open-minded, open to new experiences, open to learning.   I’ve learned a lot of things from the people in my life, and I thought I’d share them here.

From the TV Guy, I learned that you can learn at least one thing from anyone and everyone.  Pay attention.

From my husband, I learned that stereo instructions aren’t really hard to read.  And that everyone likes homemade cake.

From my grandmother, I learned that you can make anything into art.

From my grandfather, I learned that you’re never to old to learn, and if you own it, you should know how to use it.

From my mother, I learned that it’s important to live every day to the fullest.

From my father, I learned that everything tastes better when it’s cooked with love.

From my sister, I learned that it’s important to be careful what you say in the heat of anger because you never know if you’ll get the opportunity to say you’re sorry.  Also, you’re never to old or too poor to follow your dreams.

From my sister’s boyfriend, I learned to never stop trying.

From my brother, I learned that you never know someone else’s experience of the world unless you ask.  And even then, you may not get it.

*Note: I’m an only child and don’t have a brother or sister by blood, but they’re related to me by love, so it counts.

L is for Love

It was requested that I blog about love, which I find interesting.  I think it was probably requested because my day job persona is wise-cracking, thick-skinned, and foul-mouthed.  I write about murder, death, and dying (and joke about it too).  Wanna know a secret?

I’m a marshmallow.  And a romantic.

If I don’t care about you, nothing you can say will ever hurt me.  In fact, from people I dislike or am indifferent toward, I think attempts to insult me are pretty funny.  However, if you’re on the short list of people I care about, I can be overly sensitive.  I try not to be, but it can be hard.

Ever hear of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman?  He talks about how people show and receive love in different ways: physical touch, giving/receiving gifts, words, acts of service, quality time.  I’m all about acts of service and quality time.  If I care about someone, I love to do things for them.  I’m an “actions speak louder than words” kind of girl.  Which is good, because my words can be caustic, to say the least.  People who understand me don’t seem to mind, though.  They laugh it off and gratefully accept me for who I am.

It’s nice to have friends who understand you.  🙂