Step 1: Pick a time to wake. Make sure it’s in the middle of winter, preferably early enough to wake up in the dark.
Step 2: Try to go to sleep early. Toss and turn for about a half hour before giving up and going to watch Battlestar Galactica on Netflix.
Step 3: When your alarm goes off, hit the snooze button. Then hit it again. And again. And… one more time.
Step 4: Get out of bed, mumbling how ridiculous it is to wake up in the middle of the freaking night. That it would be easier just not to go to sleep. Channel your inner Garfield and say repeatedly, “I’d like mornings better if they started later.”
Step 5: Look longingly at your coffee pot and cry a little, since you gave up caffeine a few months ago.
Step 6: Force yourself to get through the day, telling yourself that being exhausted will make it easier to sleep that night.
Step 7: Start to wake up around 8 p.m. By 10 p.m., be at peak creativity and wakefulness. Don’t bother to go to bed. Reason that if you keep forcing yourself awake early, you’ll eventually be ready to sleep early.
Step 8: Repeat steps 3-7 for several days.
Step 9: Be thrilled that you can sleep in on Saturday. Stay up until midnight or so on Friday night, gleeful in the feeling that things are back to normal, at least for two days.
Step 10: Wake at 5:45 a.m. on Saturday for NO REASON.
Step 11: Curse a lot. Ask questions like, “Brain, why do you hate me?”
Step 12: Convince yourself that you actually liked getting up early, that it’s good for you.
Step 13: Come Monday morning, repeat Steps 1- 9. Pretend you like it.