Please Don’t Feed The Trolls

The internet can be a magical place, full of wonders and cat pictures.

It can also be a dark and terrifying place, full of smelly creatures like trolls.

My philosophy on life is “live and let live.” I’m not a fan of cyberbullying, and I do think people (especially adults) need to think before they post.

At the same time, I also believe that many people are far too sensitive, and need to go back to elementary school to relearn that rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Words only hurt because we give them the power to do so.

But I digress.

I was on Facebook, and someone shared a picture of this comedian who was imitating various fitness photos. One of them was a photo of a naked model hiding her breasts with two wine glasses. The comedian is a normal looking woman who made no effort with makeup or hair, hiding her breasts behind orange juice cartons. It was hilarious!

As I always do, I went to the comments. For me, comments are often the best part of anything on the internet. One man started commenting about how he didn’t think it was funny, and he found the model far more attractive than the comedian. The comment thread exploded.

At first, it was just people disagreeing with him. Then it devolved into people checking out his Facebook page and denigrating how he looked because he had some extra weight in the stomach. From there, people started cutting down his wife. And so on.

After many, many comments, someone finally said that everyone should stop responding to him because he was obviously just trolling. This guy thanked the person who said that and explained that he was in a sociology class, and his assignment was to go on a comment thread and disagree with what anyone else said until he was called out on it. He got extra points for making people emotional.

I’m fascinated by the idea that people get into so many arguments with random strangers, and that many of these people are obviously trolls. They are arguing to cause chaos. To see what will happen. Because they can.

I read most of the thread, and the man didn’t say anything horrible or personally attacking toward others. He’s entitled to his opinion that the pictures weren’t funny. A model in full makeup probably is more attractive than a comedian who wasn’t making an effort to be anything other than funny. His comments weren’t terrible. But people thought it was okay to attack him, and then his wife (who was at no time part of this thread) because he stated an opinion.

Personally, I’m of the opinion that we shouldn’t feed the trolls. If we ignore people who are obviously trying to incite reactions, it’s far more effective than engaging and attacking them. Whether you think what this guy did was awful or amusing, attacking back is never an effective strategy. Attacking someone else who isn’t even part of the conversation, in my mind, is far worse.

Often, when we attack someone else (whether as an action or a reaction), it’s coming from a place inside ourselves. Secure, happy people don’t feel the need to respond with invective. Philosophically, I prefer to respond to kindness. I’m not perfect, and I obviously don’t always do that, but it’s my preference. But if I can’t respond with kindness, I can not respond at all.

Sometimes we think that we’re going to convince someone when we respond in kind, but that almost never happens. People aren’t convinced by angry, emotional arguments. They’re convinced by action, and one action that has a huge effect on people is to respond to an insult with kindness.

Feeding trolls with anger makes them stronger. Kindness starves them. So does lack of attention. Please don’t feed the trolls.

What are your thoughts on all this?

N is for Nineteen Eighty-Four

Can you believe that I didn’t read 1984 in high school?  Wasn’t pretty much everyone else assigned that book?

Anyway…

I struggled the first time I tried to read this book.  I got to a certain point and put it down, intending to pick it back up.  But then I didn’t for another four years.

The second time I tried to read it, I must have been in a different place mentally, because I loved it.  I won’t say that I sped through it; it still took me about two weeks, but I enjoyed it.

The whole book is frightening; I can’t stand the thought of having my freedom restricted, especially not to such a degree that it is in this novel.  The idea that someone is watching me, that I’m not even supposed to have thoughts of my own, is horrifying.

The book begins with the main character completing a subversive act.  He’s bought a journal, and intends to write in it.  I can’t imagine what it would be like if I couldn’t write my thoughts down, if I didn’t know that I could keep certain thoughts private, and say anything I like publicly.  Whether or not anyone reads this blog, I have the right to post my thoughts and opinions.  People are free to agree or disagree.

One of the things that happens in the book is that government officials are destroying words.  Instead of being able to choose from amazing, wonderful, awesome, good, and terrific, the replacements are good, plusgood, and plusplusgood.  Imagine, not having a variety of words to choose from!

My personality is reflected by the words I choose.  I’m not a fan of censorship in any form (other than personal censorship by choosing not to read or listen to something).  Controlling thoughts begins with controlling language.

This book gave me a much deeper understanding of how important language is to personal freedom.  It’s a slippery slope, once we start valuing some words more than others, putting some words on the approved list, and kicking others off.

Think about it: words are just letters put together.  The sounds they make are meaningless, until we ascribe meaning to them.  And those meanings can change over time.

I love to read horror novels, and this isn’t one.  But honestly, this might be the scariest book on this list.

The Dark Side of Acceptance

On Wellness Wednesdays, I post on a wellness topic.

Sea World, San Diego
Photo Credit: Doree Weller

I wouldn’t say that my high school had a bullying problem.  We were a small, rural school.  And yet I was bullied for my weight in high school.  One of my friends was bullied for the way she looked as well.  I recently wrote a story about bullying, and a friend of mine, who has been out of high school far less time than me, said, “That’s not how it works anymore.  Now, it’s the fat black gay kid who’s the popular kid.”

I had seen this trend in the new 21 Jump Street, but I wasn’t sure if it was for real or not.  When I asked another friend of mine about it, she said that it has gotten better, though it’s not quite like my other friend said.

I know that bullying still exists.  I know this because I still see online articles about kids who have attempted or completed suicide based on how bad bullying gets.  I’ve seen adults bully other adults, so I know it doesn’t just come out of nowhere.

Recently, I read an article about how Planet Fitness revoked a woman’s gym membership for not following their “No Judgement Zone” policy.  The woman reportedly got upset when a person she thought was a man entered the locker room.  The person in question is actually transgendered, and identifies as female.  The customer who objected returned to the gym multiple days to tell other gym members that Planet Fitness allows “men” in the women’s dressing rooms, which was what ended in her having her membership revoked.

I’m actually not here to weigh in on that particular issue, but I provided a summary of the story to set the tone for what I do want to talk about.  This article was published as a link on Facebook, and I was curious about the comments.  There were the expected arguments on both sides.  One woman stated that she agreed with the woman who didn’t feel safe with a “man” in her dressing room, and that she would never go to Planet Fitness as a result.  She expressed herself in a logical and appropriate manner.  Other people attacked her, calling her names and telling her that she was being “intolerant.”  They put her down and said things about her that they couldn’t possibly know, saying that she was a bad Christian (she never mentioned religion).

Several times, this woman responded and defended her views, saying that she has the right to feel the way she feels about it, and each time, she was met with a barrage of negative statements from others.

This woman was bullied.

I’m an LGBTQ ally.  I believe that everyone should have the same rights.  BUT, when someone disagrees with my opinion, I don’t have the right to bully them, and neither does anyone else.

There is a big difference between expressing an opinion by stating that you won’t patronize an establishment because you don’t believe in the way they do things and saying that you wish harm to a group of people.  The former is an adult reaction to something that offends you.  The latter is extremist, childish, and just plain wrong.

True acceptance means that we accept the respectful opinions of everyone.  It does not mean that we agree.  It does not mean that we bully.  It means that we allow others to express their opinions.  If we want to have an intelligent, adult discussion with dissenting opinions, that’s wonderful.  That’s what it’s all about.  Acceptance does not mean that everyone has to “accept” your opinion as correct.

By bullying the woman who expressed her opinion, all commenters did was cement her opinions.  People don’t change their minds because other people put them down or shame them.  People change their minds through open and honest discussion, along with respectful arguments that make them think differently.

Next time someone gives an opinion you don’t agree with, listen to them, respectfully and without judgement.  Then give yours.  I believe that this respectful meeting of minds is the way that we can truly promote peace and equality.

What are your thoughts?